Dear God

Dear God,

It suddenly hit me. My flight passes through Bangkok for a transfer. Please stop the people from protesting in Thailand. Please get them out of the airport. Its very important to me. Probably more than anything else i can think of right now. I wish i never had this premonition. It looks like its coming true.

I need to leave. Please let me go.

PISSED

I just had to post this despite it being 5.10 in the morning. Well i got home late today basically at about 4.45a.m after dropping some friends off after theo's thing.

Well apparently my dad called at about 3.30 while i was driving and asked where i was, firstly i was appalled that they were not in bed and fast asleep, and i answered on the way back.

BIG MISTAKE. what should i have said was, oh i'm sending some friends back i'll be late dont wait up.

So when i got home at 4.45(note this post isnt about griping about sending you guys back) i had a pleasant surprise waiting for me.

Furious moms. Not good. She was camping and waiting for me i swear. The moment i shut the padlock on the house door, it was like sealing myself in for good. She emerged from the room and a flurry of words were hurled at me starting with WHY ARE YOU SO LATE.

I think what really enraged me was couple of sentences into the argument she actually commented why must you send your friends back. I WAS SO PISSED at that point of time and i usually try to avoid arguments especially at 5am in the morning but this really was like a slap on the face. i DIDNT get the point she was making. Finally, my dad ended the argument with a comment that next time tell us if u are not coming straight home we were worried.

Alright. Point taken. WHY MUST WE TALK SO MUCH COCK WHEN ALL YOU WANTED TO SAY WAS THAT

but. I know. Its more than that. Its more than being worried. ITS THE CONTROL FREAK in my mom thats talking. She just cant admit it.

and that just makes me MORE PISSED.

wow i haven't been so pissed in a long time.

I regret to inform you you regret to inform me

Mixed feelings now, firstly good feelings cos i'm finally done with year 4 sem 1. Big big YAY. This day almost felt like an eternity to come but well now that its all over i'm glad to say i survived even though today's paper kinda killed me.

The next part of the feelings isnt so nice and it starts with reading this in my email.

"'We regret to inform you that after careful consideration, ....blah blah blah...SLP."

I thought i did decently well at the interview but maybe i wasnt exactly what they were looking for, or some totally zai guy got interviewed too and got it. Well cant let something like this get me down because....after all.....

ITS THE HOLIDAYS NOW! I'm going to take the weekend of from the job search.

just got to get down to looking for other options later. urgh.

chanced upon this quote off a random blog.

“Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion.”

indeed, indeed.

USTUTUTUTUTUTUT

The post below does not reflect my view but i found it quite amusing. its taken off a random forum


"First they kill off D.L. Hawkins, leave the Hatian alone because his powers pwn, then they wanna kill Utusu?

I mean really, we have Obama as president already.


They should have just knocked out Knox since he's the bad guy if they had to choose. Bring BACK Utusu!

I don't know if it has anything to do with that? I hope not.

I just don't think they should have killed Utusu. Especially the WAY they did it too, it's like watching that journalist getting beheaded in that terrorist video. What did he really do to deserve it? Really?"

HAHAHAHA

Quote of the day

"I trust Berkshire Hathaway while 78-year-old Mr Buffett remains at the helm. The only thing that worries me is that he may have a shorter expiry date than his options."

- taken from an article on FT.com

Finally, 1 more paper. At this point of time its a real battle to get myself to work even though this is probably the most horrendous subject this semester.

But, i must.

Its probably going to feel surreal once im over with the exams at noon tmr.

Facebook

Recently seen on someone's facebook status

- ********* has such a small dick that he feels inferior.

random pictures

Redang Island, Malaysia 2006














12 Apostles, Great Ocean Road, Melbourne Australia 2002















Kakadu National Park, Darwin, Australia 2007














Somewhere in Bangkok, Thailand 2005




















Gronigen, Netherlands 2008

SMU Grading scale

A= Ah okay la
B= Bad
C = Cock up
D= Die

Therefore, nothing less than an A is acceptable. I don't see people jumping for joy when they get an A but i know a person was PISSED cos he didn't get A+. :)

Please note: the title of the post is smu grading scale not mine.

Everything

Its never good to dwell on the past but i guess reminiscing doesnt hurt. With a sudden pang, i miss everyone back in graz. It just seemed like yesterday.

My crazy housemate claudio the drunk animal, ignacio the destroyer, the legends.

Matt and eva the crazy tall short dutch taiwanese couple

Henrik ever welcoming and hospitable

Hiroko, Megumi the very interesting travel companions

Meindert, Jamie, Ondra

Jieun.

The travelling

The frisbee and lawning in stat park

The daily dinners

The cooking the supermarket shopping

The cycling with the wind in my hair

Studying the night before the exam

Knowing it wouldnt matter

The nights on my balcony with a cup of hot tea

The friendships

The turkish shop, Billa, Hofer

so many other things

and her.

and all of a sudden i'm back in my air conditioned room in singapore.

I'm blogging too much its unhealthy.

John Chapter 8

There was once a woman who was caught in adultery. The world looked upon and scorned her and judged her. They wanted to kill her for her sin, to stone her, publicly. They asked Jesus, what should we do with her. He wrote on the ground with his finger but they persisted. He answered "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone." There was an awkward silence. One by one the crowd dispersed and Jesus was left with the woman. Finally Jesus asked "Where are they? Has anyone condemned you?" "No, not one." the woman replied. To that Jesus replied. "Neither do i condemn you, now go and sin no more."

-John Chapter 8-

Feeling Unproductive

I spent the whole day at home today and i didnt get much done. Tomorrow i've got to get up at 7.50am to go to church which is about 4 hours of sleep since its 3 plus now and since i figured im getting so little sleep anyway, i might as well blog a little.

Anyway the english language is a sad language, there are so many words to express sadness yet relatively few to express happiness. Note that this isnt my own hypothesis but rather from my professor so if you are interested to find out if thats really true, go ahead but offhand there seems to be some truth to that statement.

Talked to a friend today who was having troubles in her relationship and she had this sad nickname on msn which said " A million reasons to leave, only 1 reason to stay." But that 1 reason to stay gave her enough strength to carry on, to ignore all the signs, ignore all the hurt that she felt inside. This girl endured a lot of crap from her bf, almost too much for me to stand by and watch but i'm not in any position to judge or take any action. Stupidity on her part to continue being unhappy in this relationship, maybe. But such is the power of love, it shoves rationality aside and just consumes you not allowing any other thoughts to occupy your mind. She comments "I dont know what to do without him" I am left speechless, i have no more comforting words, all i can do is listen.

She sighs and says i wish i could be like you. So rational and so strong.

I'm not.

i can give advice i can offer a listening ear but that doesnt mean i behave rationally under the same circumstances. I've been there before.

The song playing on my player is a familiar one.
Its a song with a happy ending to it but it has these words in between

"Now i know what a fool i've been, but if you kiss me now i know you'll fool me again."

Such is the power of love.

Havent we all been there before?

I hope so because we havent truly lived until we've loved someone like that before.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I'm in school right now and for some reason everytime i study i get this headache which feels like someone is pinching my forehead and there is this dull ache in the front of my head. It cant be that i'm using too much brain power, the stuff i'm doing isnt that hard for now. But it certainly is irritating the heck out of me. On to other stuff, WHY IS THERE ALWAYS RENOVATIONS GOING ON IN MY BLOCK ABOVE ME.

9a.m. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

*wakes up*

noise stops. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

9.05: Fumbles around the table for ear plugs

9.10-9.40 Bad sleep interupted by bouts of BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

9.45: finally drags myself out of bed.

And this isnt the first time that this is happening. This crap happens every 6mths to a year i mean how often can these people renovate their homes??!!

Well i should wake up early anyway but i'm not really a morning person and nothing important never got accomplished waking up early.

I

Stained glass masquerade
Perfect unbreakable sunshine
Painfully perfect behind Venetian masks
I’ll have one on too

Know my intimate demons within
Gnawing hiding unleashed
Grotesquely familiar to me
I’m the very thing I hate

As sure as clockwork the performance plays itself out
Keep it on long enough and maybe I’ll fool myself
Am I the only human here

Three times is one too many
Eye for an eye
Where is fairness in the last blow
I’m all alone in my fight of faith
For who can see the emptiness beneath

Love the world too much
Gaze upward
Trust and wait you would say
With swirling death pain and hurt
How can I believe you?

I decided to post this because my prof kirpal actually liked my work. Today was my interview with him and speaking with this man somehow lent a sense of depth and perspective to my writing and about the things that i have experienced and will experience. In the coming month i'm going to have to make a lot of decisions and i hope i'm going to have the wisdom to handle them all.

Aaaaaaasshhhhhhhhh

I've been putting in record amounts of work over the past few days and its giving me a headache, havent studied so much in a long long time. haha. In any case, there is always time for rest and relaxation and i happened to come across this piano piece on youtube of one of my favourite chinese*gasp* songs for a couple of reasons. Well listening to this just makes me feel how would it would be if i didnt give up those music lessons that my parents tried to impose on me a young age. Probably one of the things that i really wished i would be able to do is play a musical instrument or rather specifically guitar/piano/sax. You could say that sure i can still learn it now but i think the opportunity costs are much higher now. okstopwhining.

About school, prof has just cancelled a review session and somehow i'm semi pleased with that despite the fact that additonal revision is probably a good thing for me.

Oh someone proposed to his gf during starry night last week, glad to see that some SMU students are looking further ahead into their happiness other than just going to the library and mugging their semester away. But thats exactly where i'm headed to right now after this.

Aaaaaassssshhhhhhhhh.

Looking forward to the hols in dec man.

Back to work

After all that prep, i'm glad the interview went reasonably well i think and the questions that were asked weren't all that tough but maybe it was because i was quite relaxed, i think it was one of the interviewers who really put me at ease. Which is a good thing of course. Well, its over now and i have to get back to the books. urgh. I'm hoping for a second round but i'll just have to wait and see till next week on how that works out.

LABOR ECONS HERE I COME

Very very important day tmr.

In the midst of preparing for exams, the prospect of a getting a job has never been more pressing and because of that, studies have been shoved aside at least till tomorrow to prepare for the interview. A team of 9 probably hiring one or two persons, probably a whole bunch of bright graduates vying for the same job, what are the odds?

Even getting this interview is a blessing man.

If i nail this job, you can be SURE its something more than me at work here.

Fingers are crossed!

Shouldnt be blogging

I'm sitting in the school library procrastinating on my labor econs project presentation which is due tmr but i just don't feel in the mood for it now. Maybe i'll be in just about the time i'm done with this post. After slacking for a royal amount this semester, its finally dawned on me that if i dont do crazy mugging every day i am probably gonna get shitty grades this semester so i guess its a good time to start - week 13. haha.

Theres a light rain pouring outside the window and i dont want to go home just yet,

and suddenly, i don't know what i wanted to write this post for.

Be back later when i think of it.

Something Humid, Something Cool.

Thought i'd post something i wrote in kirpal's class(we had to write a poem with that title) BEFORE I start working on portfolio quiz at 1a.m.


Something Humid, Something Cool.

Mirrors and mist

Self is lost in the heavy humidity All

Attempts to eradicate my life of the unclean

Essence of myself flowed down the drainpipes of time, Forgotten

Anticipation, for the new me to sharpen

Wiping the returning blur, Impatiently

Its not time

Alas, when its all over

It isn’t me I see

Of what passion used to be.

Lost

Complicated dreams fade with the morning
Snow falls like ashes scattered over a battlefield
Memories of a summer in flames

Soulless eyes wide open
Nothing returns from the dreamscapes

Foolish desire tempts me

Choose to enter the door of truth
Vivid images flood the world
Drowning out all in its wake
Too sharp
Too piercing
Too painful

Open my eyes

Maybe its better this way,

Lost.

School and more

3a.m and i'm blogging.

Its week 12 around me and the people around me are dropping like flies to the strain of SMU workload. Me? For some strange reason i rise above the ashes relatively unperturbed by the ongoing chaos that unfolds around me. Sure i get a little disgruntled by the bazaar that miraculously appears outside level 3 of econs block, with tables being dragged out of the study rooms to the corridor, amazed by friends who survive on miniscule hours of sleep, spoil market people going for interviews in suits, applying for jobs which have applications that have a whole load of crap to answer, with skill sets as diverse as almost anything under the sun that you might as well ask for someone who is just good in every damned thing and a whole host of things that trouble the average SMU student. I could rant about those things written here for all its worth but that would just be wasting time.

But other than those minor annoyances, well everything goes pretty much as per normal, i get my 7 hrs of sleep, i take a nap when i get too tired, i do random shit like watch kindergarten cop at 1.30am on HBO just because arnold movies make me laugh. Oh almost forgot- i also do my projects and term papers and study for my quizzes. I dont particularly pride myself for being the efficient kind but somehow i seem to have quite a bit of time on my hand and its worrying sometimes.

As much as i dont like being a sucker for peer pressure, the proximity of datelines and exams in 3 weeks time is starting to irritate me, like a persistant mosquito buzzing in the ear on a hot summer night.

Well but when i get down to serious work, nothing really distracts me (once msn is off) other than the occasional thought of you.

Ah next semester, final semester. I think i'm going to go out with a bang with the crap that awaits me next sem.

1. Corp Reporting
2. Management Accounting
3. Urban Economics and Real Estate
4. Entreprenuership and Business creation

Nasty stuff.

I've got to give credit to wenhoo for this since its directly plagarised off his blog although its not written by him but from the musical Avenue Q.

There’s a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There’s a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know ’til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.

There’s a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

Nothing could be further from the truth - even if its a bunch of muppets singing it.

i guess this rings true too

commonly heard phrase - "You can cheat some people all the time, you might even cheat anyone sometimes, but u cant cheat everyone all the time."

but i guess this rings true too

"You can be brave in front of everyone all of the time, but u cant always be brave when you are all alone, all of the time."